The Cats of Greece
3 years ago
Friday, March 11, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Bringing the Mission Home
We've been home for eight months now and finally feel as though we are in a good groove and have established a "new normal". The first few weeks were spent simply trying to recover physically and emotionally from living in Nepal during the Bandh, the adoption process, bonding with L and adjusting to being a family of six. It was summer, so we were able to enjoy the slower pace and flexibility that summer affords while we "cocooned." In retrospect, I am so thankful to have had that time before we were back to a full schedule of school, church and activities. Those were very difficult days and life as we knew it no longer existed. Please do not let me steal your joy if you are still waiting to bring your child home or have recently returned home. You can stop reading right here if you are not interested in reading about the challenges we faced once we got home. By no means do I think everyone faces the same challenges, but I do wish that more people would be honest about the difficult parts of adoption. It's often a lonely path, yet we were not created to walk alone.
We have been on many mission trips between the two of us, but this is the first time we brought the mission home. As much as we prepared prior to departure, there were just some challenges that we could not anticipate. This post may not impact any of my readers, but simply be for me to remember how far we've come as we move into a new stage of adoption.
1. Sibling dynamics L made #4 for us so this presented challenges of it's own that included sibling dynamics. Our ten year old is overly nurturing and while this is a beautiful and usually helpful quality, we have had to be very intentional about not causing role confusion/manipulation. Our eight year old has a strong sense of control and justice which translates to a very frustrated L since he does not like to be forced into anything (who does?) And then there is the almost five year old who has been the baby for four years. She had recently given up the last of all baby things (nap) and our schedule was though full, pretty flexible. Which brings me to our next challenge.
2. Divide and conquer. Since our children range in age 10-2 now, we have had to renegotiate our schedule to accommodate L's nap and lack of readiness for our level of activity. On the one hand I can't complain at all because his three hour nap is when I get everything else done! However, it has thrown us for a loop at times since we have three other children each on a different school/activity schedule. In those first 6 months there were many opportunities for our family that he just was not ready for. For example, J had a speaking gig at the beach that included our whole family. Since it turned out that we had only been home from Nepal for a few weeks, we concluded that it was too soon to disrupt L's newly established routine/environment. Therefore, J took the two biggies and I kept the two littles at home. I was so happy to have L home, but slightly resentful that our family was not together on an all expenses paid trip to the beach. It seemed that this type of scenario was playing out more often than not. We were used to doing everything together and now we just seemed to be dividing and conquering. Surviving. Living out the sacrifice. I feel like the choices we made were in L's best interest, but it often left me feeling frustrated and selfish. After six months of modified "cocooning", we needed to get way and enjoy our family so we went to Disney. He did great! He was a champ! It all paid off! He has confidently embraced each new experience placed before him. He is now in preschool two days a week. He kisses me goodbye, walks right in and starts playing. He knows the name of each classmate and his teachers report that he is a good friend that shares and demonstrates compassion to others in distress.
Bedtime was the most difficult routine that was rocked for us. We had a system and he completely messed with it. We have four kids and we attempt to spend at least some amount of undivided attention time with each one of them. Bedtime is the time of the day that they usually let their guard down and let us into their world. We quickly realized that L's bedtime routine would require much more time than the other three combined. I share the same justice button as my eight year old and this was very difficult for me to accept. It was especially difficult when Daddy was out of town and I had to bed them all down alone. It translated to the three girls sharing 25% of me and him requiring the other 75%. I am happy to say that his routine is now half of the time and he lays down in his bed and goes to sleep with out any additional modifications.
3. Mommy/L relationship. L attached immediately to Daddy. While logically I understood that it is typical for adopted children to attach to one parent first, it was difficult for the nurturer in me to accept that it was not me. I tried relentlessly not to take it personally and some days I was more successful than others. I remember one night towards the end of our 1 month stay (which doesn't compare to some families these days) J rolled over in bed and said to me "I get it now." "Get what?" I asked him. "What you meant all those nights you told me 'I don't need another person to touch me today.'" Ha, see he had been the only one L would let carry all around KTM for the entire month and he is no lightweight. We had role confusion in the middle of all of the other confusion. I was not used to the rejection and he was not used to having a child on him or need him 24/7. I have been very intentional to work on our relationship since coming home. We decided that I should be the one to feed L,so that he could see that I give him good things that help sustain him. Although he was capable of feeding himself, I fed him, again, to create his dependency on me. Naturally, we both disciplined him since I stay home with him, but anytime Daddy is home, he disciplines. This was important for L to see that we are a team and Mommy is not just a meanie (and to give me a break). Probably the simplest, most important thing I did was to sing to him. We were on a bedtime rotation and on my nights, if he would settle, I would sing through the same, predictable song list every night. On those most difficult days, when I felt(feel) rejected and like I do not want to sacrifice the time necessary to invest in this relationship (after serving him all day long), one song continually brought me to a place of humility. I remembered learning it as a small child in Sunday School and now, at times, it feels like it helps me hold it all together. I sing it to him twice a day, at nap and bedtime. You might know the song, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands..." It has verses of it's own like "he's got you and me sister..... you and me brother......" you get the idea. I rewrote the verses for us. When I sing it, it turns into my prayer. I want L to hear me pray for the babies left behind, his birth family, Nepal and our relationship twice daily. It goes like this:
He's got the whole world in His hands (4x)
He's got the little bitty babies in His hands
repeat chorus
He's got you and me, L in His hands
repeat chorus
He's got L's birth family in His hands
repeat chorus
He's got all of Nepal in His hands.
By the time I get through the song, my heart is humbled and my attitude is completely adjusted. (Especially now that he sings along.) The other thing that I believe helped us in the bonding process was lots of skin contact. I purposefully wore a tank top when I rocked to help encourage it. It was clear to me as I would use tender comforting touches that he did not know how to interpret that information. He did not know how to respond to being tickled. Now when I wear a shirt that is not a tank (it is winter), he pulls the front down as far as the shirt will allow and nuzzles his face and cheek into my exposed chest and relaxes. After six months of being home, the tide has changed and mommy has won his heart. I am now the favored parent and he shows jealousy when I show attention to any other child. He has claimed me as his own.
4. Becoming acquainted with boy behavior. I have been around many little boys over the years being in the education/child development world. But parenting a boy invites a new level of activity/intensity. The climbing! Can I get an AMEN! My goodness, the climbing! I often ask myself "Why does he do that?" It's seems the question he thinks to himself "How can I break this?" His strong, busy little (not really) hands just cannot touch something without tearing it up as he explores. My new phrase is "Every man needs a job!" As long as he is busy with a task, he's fine. He's a great helper!
I also enrolled us in a Parent/Child gymnastics class which has been so good for both of us! He gets to use those gross motor skills and be all boy with few boundaries and I get to participate. We usually get through the hour with very few discipline issues. With the exception of bubble time. All the girls stand in the middle gingerly popping the bubbles as he gets a running start and storms past them almost knocking them all over. I just let him run and try to protect the girls. His coach complimented him by saying that he has great agility and core body control.
5. Parenting a capable, independent two year old previously raised in a Free Range environment. Boundaries were a very new concept for L. First, I will say that a great byproduct of his "free-range" mentality is that he is a problem solver. If he can think it, he will find a way to accomplish it. We are praying this quality will serve him well in the future, however, for now it leads him into temptation and me into distress. He is now learning that it is not acceptable (or safe) to open doors and go outside without asking. Likewise, he must ask to open the refrigerator and he may not climb the shelves. So on and so forth.
4. Breaking my parenting mold. Many of the molds that I had formed with my other three children were simply shattered with L. Bedtime was one of those molds. At our house everyone gets a book, talk time, prayers, hug, kiss and good night with each person falling asleep in their own bed and staying there all night (with the rare exception of the sick or scared child who needs to be tucked back into bed.) We knew bedtime would be stressful for him so we were very intentional to establish a structured, predictable routine that would nurture the bonding process. We are now reaping the benefits but every comfort we created we eventually had to break again. The routine went through many transitions. At first, we offered him a bottle of warm milk, read him books, sang to him, rocked him to sleep and slept in the room with him. Now to each his own if you co-sleep, but it is not for me! I do not sleep well with my children in the room. In addition to bonding, it was important to us that he develop independent sleeping/self soothing skills. Next, we transitioned to laying him down awake and holding his hand until he fell asleep. Then, we layed him down awake and stayed in the room sitting across the room with only the light of our laptop and no stimulation (until six months being home). Eventually we dropped the bottle and layed him down and left the room leaving the door open and used only our voices for comfort. Some might disagree, but he did cry for less thn a week. Now he goes to bed after his books and songs/rocking without crying and goes to sleep. He also wakes up happy and calls for "Moooooooommmmyyyyyy!" When I get to him he grins and proudly proclaims "No cry!?"
Discipline was another area that I had to form completely new grooves for in my brain. See , I'm kind of a no nonsense kind of mom. That combined with his free range mentality (and that he would try to hit me), the fact that I was already stretched with very little margin, left me a bit explosive. I found that I was flying off the handle and wanted to spank him as I would my other children. Again, please don't send me hate mail if you don't spank your children. My other form of discipline was time-out (for both of us). The only problem with this is that isolation triggered a whole host of other issues for him since he dealt with abandonment by head banging. I finally realized isolation was only escalating the situation and he would then find the next naughty thing to do to keep me coming back to dole out more discipline and draw tighter boundaries. I started using time-ins where he sat on my lap in a room apart from all the action which he still did not like at all, but prevented the additional issues. His language development has surely decreased frustrations and proven understanding of expectations. Additionally, I have learned to lower a few expectations. He has dropped all of the signs he learned and now uses 3-7 word sentences as he attempts to retell stories. The other day he said "Mama-eat-all done-E-me-outside-play snow?" Translation, "Mommy, when E and I are finished eating can we go outside to play in the snow?" I'd say that's pretty good for being exposed to English for 8 months. I know of a lot other two year old boys that still don't say that much! He is learning to obey, no longer bangs his head and is really a sweet, clever little boy.
I know this was a long post and God bless you if you read it all. I just never want to forget how far we have come in these first months being home. We are still learning that life is about the journey and getting home was not the destination. It just started a new beginning on the same journey. My hope in writing this post is so you will know that if you are struggling with adoption related issues, you are not alone and there is hope! You will make it! Please continue to keep the pipeline families in your prayers and select the following link to sign the petition to bring them home.http://www.petition2congress.com/3867/bring-stranded-nepali-adoptees-home-now/
We have been on many mission trips between the two of us, but this is the first time we brought the mission home. As much as we prepared prior to departure, there were just some challenges that we could not anticipate. This post may not impact any of my readers, but simply be for me to remember how far we've come as we move into a new stage of adoption.
1. Sibling dynamics L made #4 for us so this presented challenges of it's own that included sibling dynamics. Our ten year old is overly nurturing and while this is a beautiful and usually helpful quality, we have had to be very intentional about not causing role confusion/manipulation. Our eight year old has a strong sense of control and justice which translates to a very frustrated L since he does not like to be forced into anything (who does?) And then there is the almost five year old who has been the baby for four years. She had recently given up the last of all baby things (nap) and our schedule was though full, pretty flexible. Which brings me to our next challenge.
2. Divide and conquer. Since our children range in age 10-2 now, we have had to renegotiate our schedule to accommodate L's nap and lack of readiness for our level of activity. On the one hand I can't complain at all because his three hour nap is when I get everything else done! However, it has thrown us for a loop at times since we have three other children each on a different school/activity schedule. In those first 6 months there were many opportunities for our family that he just was not ready for. For example, J had a speaking gig at the beach that included our whole family. Since it turned out that we had only been home from Nepal for a few weeks, we concluded that it was too soon to disrupt L's newly established routine/environment. Therefore, J took the two biggies and I kept the two littles at home. I was so happy to have L home, but slightly resentful that our family was not together on an all expenses paid trip to the beach. It seemed that this type of scenario was playing out more often than not. We were used to doing everything together and now we just seemed to be dividing and conquering. Surviving. Living out the sacrifice. I feel like the choices we made were in L's best interest, but it often left me feeling frustrated and selfish. After six months of modified "cocooning", we needed to get way and enjoy our family so we went to Disney. He did great! He was a champ! It all paid off! He has confidently embraced each new experience placed before him. He is now in preschool two days a week. He kisses me goodbye, walks right in and starts playing. He knows the name of each classmate and his teachers report that he is a good friend that shares and demonstrates compassion to others in distress.
In Asia at Animal Kingdom
Mt. Everest
Bringing back Memories of Nepal
Bedtime was the most difficult routine that was rocked for us. We had a system and he completely messed with it. We have four kids and we attempt to spend at least some amount of undivided attention time with each one of them. Bedtime is the time of the day that they usually let their guard down and let us into their world. We quickly realized that L's bedtime routine would require much more time than the other three combined. I share the same justice button as my eight year old and this was very difficult for me to accept. It was especially difficult when Daddy was out of town and I had to bed them all down alone. It translated to the three girls sharing 25% of me and him requiring the other 75%. I am happy to say that his routine is now half of the time and he lays down in his bed and goes to sleep with out any additional modifications.
3. Mommy/L relationship. L attached immediately to Daddy. While logically I understood that it is typical for adopted children to attach to one parent first, it was difficult for the nurturer in me to accept that it was not me. I tried relentlessly not to take it personally and some days I was more successful than others. I remember one night towards the end of our 1 month stay (which doesn't compare to some families these days) J rolled over in bed and said to me "I get it now." "Get what?" I asked him. "What you meant all those nights you told me 'I don't need another person to touch me today.'" Ha, see he had been the only one L would let carry all around KTM for the entire month and he is no lightweight. We had role confusion in the middle of all of the other confusion. I was not used to the rejection and he was not used to having a child on him or need him 24/7. I have been very intentional to work on our relationship since coming home. We decided that I should be the one to feed L,so that he could see that I give him good things that help sustain him. Although he was capable of feeding himself, I fed him, again, to create his dependency on me. Naturally, we both disciplined him since I stay home with him, but anytime Daddy is home, he disciplines. This was important for L to see that we are a team and Mommy is not just a meanie (and to give me a break). Probably the simplest, most important thing I did was to sing to him. We were on a bedtime rotation and on my nights, if he would settle, I would sing through the same, predictable song list every night. On those most difficult days, when I felt(feel) rejected and like I do not want to sacrifice the time necessary to invest in this relationship (after serving him all day long), one song continually brought me to a place of humility. I remembered learning it as a small child in Sunday School and now, at times, it feels like it helps me hold it all together. I sing it to him twice a day, at nap and bedtime. You might know the song, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands..." It has verses of it's own like "he's got you and me sister..... you and me brother......" you get the idea. I rewrote the verses for us. When I sing it, it turns into my prayer. I want L to hear me pray for the babies left behind, his birth family, Nepal and our relationship twice daily. It goes like this:
He's got the whole world in His hands (4x)
He's got the little bitty babies in His hands
repeat chorus
He's got you and me, L in His hands
repeat chorus
He's got L's birth family in His hands
repeat chorus
He's got all of Nepal in His hands.
By the time I get through the song, my heart is humbled and my attitude is completely adjusted. (Especially now that he sings along.) The other thing that I believe helped us in the bonding process was lots of skin contact. I purposefully wore a tank top when I rocked to help encourage it. It was clear to me as I would use tender comforting touches that he did not know how to interpret that information. He did not know how to respond to being tickled. Now when I wear a shirt that is not a tank (it is winter), he pulls the front down as far as the shirt will allow and nuzzles his face and cheek into my exposed chest and relaxes. After six months of being home, the tide has changed and mommy has won his heart. I am now the favored parent and he shows jealousy when I show attention to any other child. He has claimed me as his own.
4. Becoming acquainted with boy behavior. I have been around many little boys over the years being in the education/child development world. But parenting a boy invites a new level of activity/intensity. The climbing! Can I get an AMEN! My goodness, the climbing! I often ask myself "Why does he do that?" It's seems the question he thinks to himself "How can I break this?" His strong, busy little (not really) hands just cannot touch something without tearing it up as he explores. My new phrase is "Every man needs a job!" As long as he is busy with a task, he's fine. He's a great helper!
Attempting to eat a Pop Tart without removing his helmet.
He got lots of Cars toys for Christmas
But all he really needed to be happy was a box!
I also enrolled us in a Parent/Child gymnastics class which has been so good for both of us! He gets to use those gross motor skills and be all boy with few boundaries and I get to participate. We usually get through the hour with very few discipline issues. With the exception of bubble time. All the girls stand in the middle gingerly popping the bubbles as he gets a running start and storms past them almost knocking them all over. I just let him run and try to protect the girls. His coach complimented him by saying that he has great agility and core body control.
5. Parenting a capable, independent two year old previously raised in a Free Range environment. Boundaries were a very new concept for L. First, I will say that a great byproduct of his "free-range" mentality is that he is a problem solver. If he can think it, he will find a way to accomplish it. We are praying this quality will serve him well in the future, however, for now it leads him into temptation and me into distress. He is now learning that it is not acceptable (or safe) to open doors and go outside without asking. Likewise, he must ask to open the refrigerator and he may not climb the shelves. So on and so forth.
4. Breaking my parenting mold. Many of the molds that I had formed with my other three children were simply shattered with L. Bedtime was one of those molds. At our house everyone gets a book, talk time, prayers, hug, kiss and good night with each person falling asleep in their own bed and staying there all night (with the rare exception of the sick or scared child who needs to be tucked back into bed.) We knew bedtime would be stressful for him so we were very intentional to establish a structured, predictable routine that would nurture the bonding process. We are now reaping the benefits but every comfort we created we eventually had to break again. The routine went through many transitions. At first, we offered him a bottle of warm milk, read him books, sang to him, rocked him to sleep and slept in the room with him. Now to each his own if you co-sleep, but it is not for me! I do not sleep well with my children in the room. In addition to bonding, it was important to us that he develop independent sleeping/self soothing skills. Next, we transitioned to laying him down awake and holding his hand until he fell asleep. Then, we layed him down awake and stayed in the room sitting across the room with only the light of our laptop and no stimulation (until six months being home). Eventually we dropped the bottle and layed him down and left the room leaving the door open and used only our voices for comfort. Some might disagree, but he did cry for less thn a week. Now he goes to bed after his books and songs/rocking without crying and goes to sleep. He also wakes up happy and calls for "Moooooooommmmyyyyyy!" When I get to him he grins and proudly proclaims "No cry!?"
Christmas Day slumber is so sweet! He must have slept with a blanket over his head in the orphanage because he would always be under one when I would go check on him after falling asleep. Either that or it was a coping mechanism (trying to hide or disappear). We found a compromise when I put the monkey lovey over his head.
Discipline was another area that I had to form completely new grooves for in my brain. See , I'm kind of a no nonsense kind of mom. That combined with his free range mentality (and that he would try to hit me), the fact that I was already stretched with very little margin, left me a bit explosive. I found that I was flying off the handle and wanted to spank him as I would my other children. Again, please don't send me hate mail if you don't spank your children. My other form of discipline was time-out (for both of us). The only problem with this is that isolation triggered a whole host of other issues for him since he dealt with abandonment by head banging. I finally realized isolation was only escalating the situation and he would then find the next naughty thing to do to keep me coming back to dole out more discipline and draw tighter boundaries. I started using time-ins where he sat on my lap in a room apart from all the action which he still did not like at all, but prevented the additional issues. His language development has surely decreased frustrations and proven understanding of expectations. Additionally, I have learned to lower a few expectations. He has dropped all of the signs he learned and now uses 3-7 word sentences as he attempts to retell stories. The other day he said "Mama-eat-all done-E-me-outside-play snow?" Translation, "Mommy, when E and I are finished eating can we go outside to play in the snow?" I'd say that's pretty good for being exposed to English for 8 months. I know of a lot other two year old boys that still don't say that much! He is learning to obey, no longer bangs his head and is really a sweet, clever little boy.
I know this was a long post and God bless you if you read it all. I just never want to forget how far we have come in these first months being home. We are still learning that life is about the journey and getting home was not the destination. It just started a new beginning on the same journey. My hope in writing this post is so you will know that if you are struggling with adoption related issues, you are not alone and there is hope! You will make it! Please continue to keep the pipeline families in your prayers and select the following link to sign the petition to bring them home.http://www.petition2congress.com/3867/bring-stranded-nepali-adoptees-home-now/
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Nepal travel tips
Sounds like more babies are coming home to their forever families very soon as Nepal has issued more travel approvals! I thought for what my experience is worth, it might be helpful to those familes preparing for travel. Here are some travel tips. I know I wished that I had a "what to bring/expect" list to refer to. Of course some items will differ depending on the age of your child, but overall the key is to pack light!!! For everything you take, ask yourself "is there a lighter, more compact or flat version of this?"
For mom and dad:
Clothes: Fight the temptation to buy yourself a new wardrobe. Take old (as you might want to leave them in Nepal by the end of the trip either to donate to locals or pitch since they will never smell the same again) lightweight, fast dry clothes and wash a little every day if you don't want to pay for cleaning at the hotel. It is not necessary to bring any dressy clothes or jewelry. You will stand out enough. We brought about a weeks worth of mix and match clothes. You won't see Nepali women exposing their shoulders or legs. You can, however, show all you want of your belly in your sari. It is acceptable for foreigners to wear sleeveless tank style shirts and shorts. There are many tourists, so they are used to it. I wore casual capris and a long skirt the most. I did wear tank shirts (but be prepared for lots of looks), but did not feel comfortable wearing shorts. That was a personal preference. It is also "okay" for men to wear shorts, but you will most likely not see very many men wearing them either. Anytime you do business/appointments with officials is it better to present yourself in long pants. I took old tennis shoes and flip flops (pack flat and lightweight). A few days in I decided on just wearing one pair of flip flops since I was not planning taking them home with me! I packed our bags with the assumption that only one of our three bags would be there when we arrived (knowing how luggage gets lost) so each bag contained some of everyone's belongings. I divided everything we needed into the three bags, which also helped to equally distribute the weight (diapers/wipes).
-a smaller napsack (washable) for mom instead of a purse to carry toys/snacks to orphanage, packed in luggage
-paperwork
-$2000 cash (this was the right amount for us)
-laptop (electrical adaptors) It's your only connection to home and the rest of the world!
-toiletries
-Things to do in hotel while waiting for appointments.
-journal/Kindle (much lighter than packing books), Ipod, Iflip for videos (easily upload videos for family be sure you have it ready the first time you give your child ice cream-it's fun!)
-face mask, take it for the pollution. Half of the people there wear them.
-powder packets of Gatorade/Pedialite for when one of you gets sick. (Don't even brush your teeth with the water/ use and drink mineral water only and squeeze it before you unscrew the cap to be sure it hasn't been tampered with (ie. used and refilled to sell.)
Imodium/tums or the like for obvious reasons- someone is likely to get travelers revenge/food (will probably be spicier than you are used to.)
-antibiotic-just in case
-antibacterial hand gel (nose picking is not a social faux pas in Nepal)
For baby/child:
-clothes/shoes/blanket
-lovey/ sleep transitional object for child to hold onto
-backpack
-snacks/snacktrap cup for self-feeders (freeze dried fruit/cereal/cereal bars/puffs all are lighweight),
-sippy cup with handles
-baby carrier (KTM streets are difficult to navigate and not recommended for strollers)
-travel crib (the hotel will provide but if child is mobile, he will be able to climb out as their cribs are low to ground. (We took the Baby B'Jorn travel crib and was sooooo thankful to have had it as it only weighs 11 pounds and is very compact and easy to set up/tear down. It was deep so he could not climb out)
-If your child is still in diapers, bring plenty of Pampers and wipes!!!!!!!!!!! They sell diapers, but not good quality and most def. your child will have some form of intestinal parasite/worm=diarrhea.
We took scabies cream but did not need it.
We also did not need lice shampoo, but others did.
Our pediatrician to put together a medical kit for us. In it they included: antibiotic, Tylenol/Motrin, Dimatapp/Benadryl (they all have a rattle/congestion in their chest), medicine dispenser, bandaids, Neosporin, Aquaphor, Dove soap, Hydrocortizone cream, individual powder packets of formula We took the playtex bottles with drop in liners so we didn't have to clean them. We just filled two bottles at breakfast each morning, one for night and one for morning with his dry cereal in the morning while we got ready for the day)
-age appropriate toys for bonding in orphanage, hotel and airplane (I wrote more specifics in the post titled "More on our time in Nepal")
Anything with buttons/lights/sounds (phones)
Balloons are always a winner, and take no space in luggage.
A few mores tips:
Shop in Thamel
Visit as many "tourist" spots as possible and take pictures of your child in his/her birth country
Look left when crossing the street!
No public displays of affection, unless your the same gender
Watch your step, it's probably not water
It is definitely expected that you will negotiate prices with the local shopkeepers
Defintely use Skype to communicate with home, it's free and easy to use (Although internet is often undependable!)
Never do business exchanges with your left hand!
Trust
For a taste of home, Eat at Fire and Ice (pizza) and The Lazy Gringo (Mexican) has the best public bathroom in Nepal with a baby changer!!!!
He ate the whole bowl of beans and rice.
Get out of the hotel and experience the culture
Wait patiently
Enjoy this time with your child away from the demands of home and work
Get ready for your life to change! Adoption is such a blessing!
For mom and dad:
-a smaller napsack (washable) for mom instead of a purse to carry toys/snacks to orphanage, packed in luggage
-paperwork
-$2000 cash (this was the right amount for us)
-laptop (electrical adaptors) It's your only connection to home and the rest of the world!
-Things to do in hotel while waiting for appointments.
-journal/Kindle (much lighter than packing books), Ipod, Iflip for videos (easily upload videos for family be sure you have it ready the first time you give your child ice cream-it's fun!)
-powder packets of Gatorade/Pedialite for when one of you gets sick. (Don't even brush your teeth with the water/ use and drink mineral water only and squeeze it before you unscrew the cap to be sure it hasn't been tampered with (ie. used and refilled to sell.)
Imodium/tums or the like for obvious reasons- someone is likely to get travelers revenge/food (will probably be spicier than you are used to.)
-antibiotic-just in case
-antibacterial hand gel (nose picking is not a social faux pas in Nepal)
For baby/child:
-clothes/shoes/blanket
-lovey/ sleep transitional object for child to hold onto
-backpack
-snacks/snacktrap cup for self-feeders (freeze dried fruit/cereal/cereal bars/puffs all are lighweight),
-sippy cup with handles
-baby carrier (KTM streets are difficult to navigate and not recommended for strollers)
-travel crib (the hotel will provide but if child is mobile, he will be able to climb out as their cribs are low to ground. (We took the Baby B'Jorn travel crib and was sooooo thankful to have had it as it only weighs 11 pounds and is very compact and easy to set up/tear down. It was deep so he could not climb out)
We took scabies cream but did not need it.
We also did not need lice shampoo, but others did.
Our pediatrician to put together a medical kit for us. In it they included: antibiotic, Tylenol/Motrin, Dimatapp/Benadryl (they all have a rattle/congestion in their chest), medicine dispenser, bandaids, Neosporin, Aquaphor, Dove soap, Hydrocortizone cream, individual powder packets of formula We took the playtex bottles with drop in liners so we didn't have to clean them. We just filled two bottles at breakfast each morning, one for night and one for morning with his dry cereal in the morning while we got ready for the day)
-age appropriate toys for bonding in orphanage, hotel and airplane (I wrote more specifics in the post titled "More on our time in Nepal")
Anything with buttons/lights/sounds (phones)
I just love this one where he is studying and learning his daddy.
A few mores tips:
Shop in Thamel
Visit as many "tourist" spots as possible and take pictures of your child in his/her birth country
No public displays of affection, unless your the same gender
Watch your step, it's probably not water
The tree now hangs over our bed.
Proceed with extra gifts/donations cautiouslyDefintely use Skype to communicate with home, it's free and easy to use (Although internet is often undependable!)
Never do business exchanges with your left hand!
Trust
For a taste of home, Eat at Fire and Ice (pizza) and The Lazy Gringo (Mexican) has the best public bathroom in Nepal with a baby changer!!!!
He ate the whole bowl of beans and rice.
Get out of the hotel and experience the culture
Newari Dinner
Wait patiently
Enjoy this time with your child away from the demands of home and work
Affectionate from the start!
Namaste Nepal
And don't forget those you left behind.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
A few things have changed around here
Just wanted to let everyone know that we are still here and so busy! Our joke is that he's doing great, we're the ones struggling! We did not have the luxury of ever having that phase where he stays where you sit him! Our girls never had the strange urge to rearrange furniture,and they stopped climbing higher when their attempts resulted in bumps and bruises. Apparently his need to conquer the challenge is worth the consequence, even the tenth time. This past month has been difficult as we transitioned to being a family of six. It has taken a lot of intentionality, but we have made much progress. Each week gets easier. I have made a list of "then and now" comparing changes in Liam's behavior within the past two months of being with us. It is amazing how well he has adjusted.
daddy only....becomes distressed when mommy leaves and returns
only one word "Baboo"....20 plus signs and imitates English sounds/words
point and grunt....says Mama and Dada and signs meaningfully
fought bedtime routine......settles into our arms and calms
we slept in same room....sleeps all night in his own bed in own room
rocked to sleep.....after bed routine lays down still awake drifts to sleep only hoding my hand
cried to be restrained......climbs into his own booster seat/stroller/carseat
afraid of our dog......abuses our dog
clingy.....plays independently with sisters in the same room
throws toys.....plays with toys/functions appropriately
afraid of playground equipment.....goes down slide like Superman
drew feet up to avoid touching bathwater......jumps into pool
ignored others engaging him in converstation.....gives smiles, high fives and blows kisses
would not let anyone else hold him....stayed in church nursery with familiar adults for 1 hour
picky eater......understands contingiency and eats most everything offered
banged his head anytime a boundary was drawn........much less often
protective of toys.....shares more willingly
Thanks to everyone who prayed us home. Keep them coming!
Every boy needs to feel like a hero and save the girl.
Blackout shades rock!
I'm not sure what he was planning to clean with vegetable oil.
Never had to install these safety latches with the girls.
Ken as Spiderman
This gives new meaning to wearing a thong.
My Yankee Candle has been replaced by a pee-pee guard and Clorox wipes!
Getting home
I mentioned in a previous post that our trip home was a nightmare that deserved it's own post! Here it goes. Our 11:45 P.M. flight out of KTM got cancelled at 2 a.m. after we had been at the airport since 8: 30 P.M. being eaten alive by every mosquito in Nepal. It seems to me that after being diverted as a result of bad weather, the crew should have known and communicated to their airport staff that they would need to rest for the night and not be able to leave KTM. Instead we waited for two hours being told that the airplane was two hours away and when it arrived we would take off. Did I mention that if we were not constantly waving our hands over our skin that we had mosquitos feasting on us? At 2 the announcement came, "flight cancelled." We collected our checked baggage, waited for a taxi that took us back to almost where we came from 6 hours earlier. We were now staying at Annapurna Hotel making this the third hotel and fourth move in Nepal for us. They could not tell us exactly what time our flight would be the next morning. They would call us in "plenty" of time. After laying our heads down for only 3 hours, the front desk calls us at 6:00 A.M. to inform us that the bus is here to take us back the airport and we need to be down as soon as possible. Seriously, nine minutes later, they ring again and say that everyone is waiting for us!
Once we arrived in Kunming, China, two seemingly very concerned China Eastern staff members met us at the ticket counter to "help" us make the next connecting flight to Shanghai. They busily bustled around shuffling our travel documents and boarding passes....working....taking care of us......escorting us to our gate and then they say this "Since this flight is now considered a domestic flight, your luggage is overweight. Since I know they person working at the counter, I took care of it for you. Now I need you to go to the ATM and exchange money to tip me." Are you kidding me? It is China Eastern's fault that our original itinerary was broken. Not only that, we had no reason to exchange $ for yen and we only had two $100 bills. So we rejected the request, J snatched our documents out of the guys hand and we proceeded through security. As a result of our first flight being cancelled, we missed our international flight out of Shanghai,China, so they told us in what little English they knew that we would be on the same flight the next day and they would put us up in Motel 168 (which we could see from the airport).
We got in a taxi bus with some a driver who spoke virtually no English and a couple of other Chinese men, one who spoke minimal English. It was a scary ride as the Motel 168 that was visable from the Kunming airport was clearly not the Motel that we were heading for, in the dark with a driver who spoke no English. After 30 minutes of trying to break the language barrier, as we were trying to understand where this guy was taking us, we arrived at another Motel 168. Our guess is that this one was cheaper not being near the airport. Once at the hotel, we waited for at least thirty minutes to be waited on while L messed himself to the point of leaking through and I had nowhere to change him. Finally we got our room key and had to eat so we headed to the restaurant. Unfortunately no one spoke English, so we couldn't even order a meal. We simply had lo mein noodles and L ate plain white rice. We ordered a coke and they tried to make us pay for it. I just kept saying that China Eastern was paying and finally they agreed to let us sign it to the room, which was on China Eastern. We became worried that we wouldn't have enough time to warn our family that we would not be on the plane arriving Monday night as we were so confused about the three different time zones. So we tried to access the internet to communicate with family to tell that we were not on the flight. Again to be told it was not possible. We worried the whole night imagining our girls built up with anticipation to see us get off that plane only to realize we weren't on it (at midnight) and wouldn't be coming until the next night! All we could do was pray! Thankfully, with the change in staff in the morning, one person spoke enough English that we were able to get online in the buisness office, just in time before our family was to meet us at the airport. We also worrried that there would be miscommunication with getting us a ride back to the airport to catch our flight so we got up and left the hotel early. Once at the airport I was able to get in touch with family to be sure that they did get the email. At last we could relax, until we discovered that we did not have L's boarding pass. Although we had a reciept, and after fighting with the airline all morning, we had to purchase him another, even though we are sure the "nice" men in Kunming "accidently" kept the boarding pass. We will be letting China Eastern know how we feel about their airline. We already warned them that we know lots of people who travel and take groups to that part of the world and that we would be sure that they know not to use this airline. Finally, after a total time of 70 hours of travel, we arrived safely! Since L had never been strapped in a carseat before, he cried all 45 minutes home along with L who cried because she didn't get to sit by him. So in my first 45 minutes with four kids I had half of them crying.
What I could get of the Himalya's
L has made so much progress in just our first weeks home. He is such a different kid. He adores his sisters and they are adjusting to having a 2 year old boy around, sometimes easier than others. They are used to constructive play, but he is only interested in destructive play. We call him demolition man. This is not always a good combination. He just has no social skills. He is learning though that love comes with discipline, and his spontaneous headbanging has definitley decreased now that his needs are being met. Afterthe first two weeks home he slept peacefully in his own bed all night all alone. He is actually preferring Mommy to rock him to sleep over Daddy. I think he is finding security in our bedtime snuggles/rocking/singing/ book reading routine. He snuggles in, clutches his panda bear lovely and explores my features pointing to mine and then his own. We are finally enjoying those tender moments that usually happen when the child is 6-18 months old that we missed out on. He finally, after a week of being home became comfortable enough with our dog to start abusing him. Just like his initial fear of the pool, now he's too comfortable and the poor dog can't get a moment's peace.
Overall things are good, I am having to adjust to more dishes and laundry and having a naptime scheduled into our day. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for that 3 hour break in the middle of the day so I can get a shower.
One of my favorite quotes that came from L soon after returning home was, "Mommy, you picked the right one." No, God did.
Once we arrived in Kunming, China, two seemingly very concerned China Eastern staff members met us at the ticket counter to "help" us make the next connecting flight to Shanghai. They busily bustled around shuffling our travel documents and boarding passes....working....taking care of us......escorting us to our gate and then they say this "Since this flight is now considered a domestic flight, your luggage is overweight. Since I know they person working at the counter, I took care of it for you. Now I need you to go to the ATM and exchange money to tip me." Are you kidding me? It is China Eastern's fault that our original itinerary was broken. Not only that, we had no reason to exchange $ for yen and we only had two $100 bills. So we rejected the request, J snatched our documents out of the guys hand and we proceeded through security. As a result of our first flight being cancelled, we missed our international flight out of Shanghai,China, so they told us in what little English they knew that we would be on the same flight the next day and they would put us up in Motel 168 (which we could see from the airport).
We got in a taxi bus with some a driver who spoke virtually no English and a couple of other Chinese men, one who spoke minimal English. It was a scary ride as the Motel 168 that was visable from the Kunming airport was clearly not the Motel that we were heading for, in the dark with a driver who spoke no English. After 30 minutes of trying to break the language barrier, as we were trying to understand where this guy was taking us, we arrived at another Motel 168. Our guess is that this one was cheaper not being near the airport. Once at the hotel, we waited for at least thirty minutes to be waited on while L messed himself to the point of leaking through and I had nowhere to change him. Finally we got our room key and had to eat so we headed to the restaurant. Unfortunately no one spoke English, so we couldn't even order a meal. We simply had lo mein noodles and L ate plain white rice. We ordered a coke and they tried to make us pay for it. I just kept saying that China Eastern was paying and finally they agreed to let us sign it to the room, which was on China Eastern. We became worried that we wouldn't have enough time to warn our family that we would not be on the plane arriving Monday night as we were so confused about the three different time zones. So we tried to access the internet to communicate with family to tell that we were not on the flight. Again to be told it was not possible. We worried the whole night imagining our girls built up with anticipation to see us get off that plane only to realize we weren't on it (at midnight) and wouldn't be coming until the next night! All we could do was pray! Thankfully, with the change in staff in the morning, one person spoke enough English that we were able to get online in the buisness office, just in time before our family was to meet us at the airport. We also worrried that there would be miscommunication with getting us a ride back to the airport to catch our flight so we got up and left the hotel early. Once at the airport I was able to get in touch with family to be sure that they did get the email. At last we could relax, until we discovered that we did not have L's boarding pass. Although we had a reciept, and after fighting with the airline all morning, we had to purchase him another, even though we are sure the "nice" men in Kunming "accidently" kept the boarding pass. We will be letting China Eastern know how we feel about their airline. We already warned them that we know lots of people who travel and take groups to that part of the world and that we would be sure that they know not to use this airline. Finally, after a total time of 70 hours of travel, we arrived safely! Since L had never been strapped in a carseat before, he cried all 45 minutes home along with L who cried because she didn't get to sit by him. So in my first 45 minutes with four kids I had half of them crying.
What I could get of the Himalya's
L has made so much progress in just our first weeks home. He is such a different kid. He adores his sisters and they are adjusting to having a 2 year old boy around, sometimes easier than others. They are used to constructive play, but he is only interested in destructive play. We call him demolition man. This is not always a good combination. He just has no social skills. He is learning though that love comes with discipline, and his spontaneous headbanging has definitley decreased now that his needs are being met. Afterthe first two weeks home he slept peacefully in his own bed all night all alone. He is actually preferring Mommy to rock him to sleep over Daddy. I think he is finding security in our bedtime snuggles/rocking/singing/ book reading routine. He snuggles in, clutches his panda bear lovely and explores my features pointing to mine and then his own. We are finally enjoying those tender moments that usually happen when the child is 6-18 months old that we missed out on. He finally, after a week of being home became comfortable enough with our dog to start abusing him. Just like his initial fear of the pool, now he's too comfortable and the poor dog can't get a moment's peace.
Overall things are good, I am having to adjust to more dishes and laundry and having a naptime scheduled into our day. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for that 3 hour break in the middle of the day so I can get a shower.
One of my favorite quotes that came from L soon after returning home was, "Mommy, you picked the right one." No, God did.
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